This Is Who We Are
by K2009
Summary: Bestfriend, or Boyfriend? That is the question. Follow Edward and Jasper in their journey through life. M/M, Boy secks. DONT LIKE DONT READ. Rated M, for MATURE. So... dont read if your not mature, k? K. HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story has boy/boy secks. If that is not your cup of tea, I don't suggest you read further. Enjoy.**

**P.S. I do not own anything you recognize... Sigh/**

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**EPOV**

I grabbed his hair as he sucked me off, shoving my cock repeatedly down his throat. He didn't complain, like I knew he wouldn't. He loved this, as much as, if not more than I did. It was a shame that he was living a lie.

The man who currently has my cock berried down his throat is Jasper Whitlock.

We were best friends through high school, and the only reason was because our fathers were 'military brothers'. Me and Jasper had very different upbringing, though. Where my parents instilled that it was okay to be gay and different, Jasper's parents were homophobes and would disown a cock loving son.

I knew I was gay at fifteen, and I came out when I was 17. That was also when Colonel Whitlock and my father stopped talking. And when me and Jazz were no longer aloud to be friends.

Of course, that didn't stop us. We secretly texted and hung out, and finally roomed together in college. That's when things got pretty ugly for Jazz. His parents stopped talking to him, and he started questioning his sexuality. He'd ask me more and more about what it was like to be gay. One night, we got shit faced and I ended up blowing him on our shared couch.

He loved it, but woke up the next morning freaked out and wouldn't talk to me. It really was a shame.  
We didn't speak for two weeks. By the next Saturday, I'd had enough and decided I'd talk to him when he returned from his classes.

"Jasper," I said as he walked through our door, and he jumped. He looked at me, his blue eyes terrified.

"Yeah?" was his shaky response.

"We need to talk. What happened... We need to talk about it." I said to him. He nodded.

"Yeah, okay. Let me just go put my stuff away and grab a beer." he replied, taking his messenger bag and heading for his room. I took the opportunity to grab a couple chilled beers and sit down in the living room, just waiting on our couch. He came back a few moments later, and relaxed visibly when he saw the beer. I handed it to him wordlessly and he sat next to me on our brown leather couch, gulping it down greedily.

"Sooooo," I started, and trailed off. He nodded, his eyes seeking mine.

"I'm not gay, Edward." he whispered, shaking his head. I nodded, because I knew he believed that.  
"Okay. I accept that. But lets not let what happened come between five years of friendship. We've been through way worse than this, seriously." I explained. His postured relaxed and he sighed. As quickly as it happened though, he tensed.  
"But... You find me attractive, right?" he asked, and I mentally cringed. I had never really blatantly lied to Jasper's face, but I knew that's what I wanted to do. Before I could think too much, I blurted out my honest answer.

"Yes, Jasper. I am attracted to you." I whispered, looking down at my hands in shame. He sighed next to me, and mumbled something under his breath.

"What?" I asked, causing him to repeat himself. He looked frustrated.

" I said, ifindyouattractivetoo. But I'm not gay. Just...no," he said, his voice breaking on the no. I looked over at him, slightly shocked. We didn't say anything for minutes, and the sound of my cell going off finally broke it.

When I got off the phone, Jasper had retreated to his bedroom. I sought him out.

"Jasper, are you attracted to me?" I ask, my voice shaking. He looked at me from the middle of his bed, his eyes resigned.  
"Yeah. But it's only you. I really do like girls. I guess I just don't want my parents to hate me like they hate you. I don't want them to hate me any more than they already do. I can't live a gay lifestyle when I'm not gay, Edward." he said to me, his voice slightly panicked.  
"I'm not asking you to, Jazz. I haven't asked anything from you." I pointed out. It was true. I hadn't asked for anything. I didn't want anything from him... Right?  
"I know. But what if... What if I want to explore this?" he questions. I nod, understanding. That had been me at one point.

I go and sit on the edge of his bed, taking a deep breath before I speak.

"I'm here for you, with whatever you need. You're important to me." I say, looking into his crystal clear blue eyes. They darken then, and his breathing hitches. There is a new kind of electricity filling the air, one that makes want to do things to this man that I always thought were off limits. Would it be okay to kiss him? Would he like that? How bad would it change things? Would he like it?

Jasper closed his eyes slowly, leaning in toward me, his lips slightly parted. I inhale sharply, keeping my eyes open, and meet him halfway.

We barely touch at all. His lips just rest in between mine slightly, and I can feel his irregular breath fan out on my cheeks. I want to move, want to nibble on his bottom lip, want to kiss him senseless. But I'm captured, immobile, waiting for him to move.

I wait for what feels like hours, and then it happens. He moves. He sucks my lip into his mouth, running his tongue over it, biting gently. I hold back my moan, pulling back from the kiss, knowing it is too fast to do anything beyond that. I just kissed my straight best friend. Wow.

He looks at me, his eyes dancing, a smile gracing his lips. I feel the questions bubbling to the surface of my lips, but I hold them back, because this moment is too perfect to ruin with useless words. Instead, I reach out and grab his hand, intertwining our fingers. It's then that I know, he feels it to. What this means, I have no clue. But what I do know is that this is something good, something worth figuring out. And I plan to do just that.

* * *

The next few days went pretty uneventfully. I had finals, and Jasper had a lot of extra work to get done, so we didn't see each other much.

Until tonight.

Sittin on my couch, I listen as Jasper comes in. I hear his keys hit the table in the entryway, hit shoes get kicked next to the door. It's silent until I hear hit door shut.

I keep going through the channels, figuring he must not know I'm here. I settle on a program about monkeys on the discovery channel.

I hear a repetitive noise from Jasper's room. I jump and quickly head for him, to make sure he's alright. I swing open his door in time to hear him chant "Edward, Edward, Edward" And cum all over his chest.

My mind is stunned. My body is stunned. Well, most of my body, anyway. I know that my dick is having no problem processing this.

His eyes are still closed, his head thrown back. His breathing is ragged, and his muscles are twitching. I almost can't process what I'm seeing.

Or what I heard.

Did he just cum, and chant _my name?_

And then I look up at his face, and am met with two terrified pools of blue. His eyes are wide, his body is rigid. I realize that I've just been standing here, staring, but I can't seem to make myself move.

That's I got where I currently am, standing in front of Jasper on his bed as my cock is going down his throat.

He swallows around the head, and I'm touching the back of his throat and it's too much and the force in which I cum is terrifying. I barely register that I gave him no warning, and that I came down his throat. I forced him to swallow.

I collapse on the bed next to him, exhausted. He has a smile on his face, and it's infectious. I'm staring at him.

He leans over me, and brushed his lips against mine sweetly. I take his invitation, and sit up to press my lips firmly to his.

We kiss languidly for a minute or so, his warm tongue gliding against mine until I'm breathless. We break apart, and he stands.

"I have dinner with my sister in an hour." he says, pulling on clean boxers. My mind is reeling, trying to catch up with all of this. In my blissful state, though, I just hum my approval, turn on my side and promptly pass the fuck out.

* * *

**A/N:**

**So, this is the second story i've started. I've had this saved in my computer for a while, and decided to post it on a whim...**

**Reviews make me update faster... And I update pretty slow, so get ta reviewin'**

**Loves, Karissa**


	2. Chapter 2

"Edward. Eddddward. EDWARD!" Jasper yells, shaking my shoulder. I groan loudly, my foggy brain not comprehending.

"Dammit, Edward. Get the fuck out of my bed!" He says seriously, which makes me open my eyes. I'm on my side, and my view is of a sideways Jasper.

"Whyyyy? Ten more minutes!" I plead. I was more tired than I thought. He laughs, shaking his head.

"My sister and her _fiance_ are gonna be here in twenty... So I suggest you get up or come up with a reaaalllllyyyy good fucking reason why you're _butt ass naked _in my bed. K? K." He says, and all I hear is Fiancee.

"Rose is getting married? To who?" I ask, disbelieving. His sister is just... Really **really** high-maintenance. Drop-dead gorgeous, but a bitch from hell. I sit up and wipe the slobber off my chin, a bit embarrassed. Jasper doesn't notice.

"To a guy named Emmett. Apparently they want me with them when they tell my mom and dad. I don't want to, but... I will if I have to. Anyway. Please...Get dressed?" He asks, timidly. I chuckle, and stand up. Jasper's eyes scan my body, pausing between my hips and his cheeks turn pink. He quickly turns and leaves the room.

Messing with him is just too damn fun. I pull on my boxers and head to my own room.

When I emerge from my shower, I find Jasper talking to a fucking _huge_ man-beast in our kitchen. I mean, this dude is _massive. _His arms are the size of my thighs... And very toned. I make eye contact with Jasper, and raise an eyebrow. He smirks.

"Emmett, this is my best friend and roommate, Edward. Edward, this is Emmett. Rosalie's Fiance." Jasper introduces. Emmett turns to me, and smiles a dimpled smiled. I smile back-it's infectious.

"Nice to meet ya, Eddie!" He exclaims. I nod and grab a beer. This could be pretty cool

That thought, of course, is ruined by Rosalie coming in and making a fuss about how small our apartment is. Like I care. I got the master bedroom when we moved in, so...No worries from me.

* * *

"They seem nice." I comment after they leave. Jasper nods.

"Yeah. Rose says that Mom and Dad have been fighting a lot more since I left. I can't imagine why, though... Mom never used to stand up to Dad, and that's really the only reason they'd fight. So I don't know." He explains. I nod in understanding.

"Do they still want you there when they make their announcement?" I question. Jasper nods.

We're sitting at the kitchen table, and after my question, the mood changes. I tense as Jasper's eyes darken.

"So my sister wants to know when I found out." He says to me, to which I quirk an eyebrow.

"Found out what?" I ask, pushing for information.

"That you liked me." He states. I laugh. Hard.

"Man, I always knew your sister was too smart for her own good. Whew." I say after I can breath. His face turns pink.

"You knew... You had a crush on me back then?" He asks, timidly. I smile.

"I've wanted to fuck you since I knew I was gay, Jasper. But it's so much more than that. I lo-like everything about you. Even that honey colored mess of curls you call hair." I explain, and his entire neck turns pink. Delicious.

"Really? Well, Edward. You're not so bad yourself." He teases. I laugh, and get up.

"I know." I say, throwing him a wink over my shoulder. And then I'm running, and he's chasing me.

I slam the bathroom door. I hear him pounding on it, and I chuckle while turning the shower on. The pounding stops, so I get undressed.

I pull the shower curtain back, and get in.

"Hurry up, Edward! I have to Pee!" Jasper pleads, and I laugh while rushing through my shower.

I love my best friend.

* * *

Nothing happened between us for days.

Four, to be exact. How I managed, I'll never know. But I had conceded to let him come to me. I wouldn't be making the first move. Not this time.

But come to me, he did.

"Edward, you awake?" He whispered, and I groaned.

I was in bed, and as I peeked at my alarm clock, I saw it was only 2 am.

"Noooo." I grunted. He didn't say anything, but he didn't leave either. I sighed, and sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"What, Jasper?" I ask. He comes and lays next to me.

"I just... Had a bad dream. Don't leave me, okay?" He pleads, his voice quiet. I don't know what he meant... But I assure him anyway.

"Never, Jasper. Never." I say, and lay beside him. He turns to face me, his breath fanning across my cheek.

"In my dream... My dad, he... I can't..." He trailed off in a broken whisper. He was confused. I could feel it. I faced him in the dark.

"Your dad can't hurt you, Jasper. Or me. Or anyone, I swear." I say. It's a lie, but it's what I have to say.

"Promise?" He asks. I nod.

"Come're." I say, opening my arms. He turns over, and I hold him. We fall asleep like this.

* * *

I wake up to kisses being planted along my neck. I am confused, before I remember Jasper.

_Jasper._

I had somehow become the little spoon in the night. He's behind me, planting sweet, wet, warm kisses along the back of my neck and hairline. I know he can sense I'm awake, and I turn over to face him. Our legs intertwine, and he is smiling sweetly at me.

"Sorry I woke you last night." He whispers, his cheeks pink. I shake my head as if it's nothing. It _is_ nothing. I'll always be here when he needs me.

"It's no big deal, Jaz. You needed me, I was here." I sooth. He leans his head in and kisses my lips, sweetly, chastely. It surprises me- in a good way.

I resist the urge to pull him close and make him mine- for now.

Instead, I pull back and snuggle into my bed, and him.

"What time is it?" I ask, and he chuckles.

"It's 9:30. You don't have to be up for a couple hours, it's Sunday." He explains, and I feel his breath fanning across my face. It's erotic. I look into his eyes, and watch as they darken when I lick my lips.

"Can I kiss you?" I ask, giving up on him making the first move. He smiles, dimples are revealed, white teeth gleam.

"Mayyybe." He teases, before his eyes flutter closed and he leans closer to me. I kiss him, warm wet and deep, my tongue tasting even honey covered inch. His hand comes down onto my hip, and he flips on top of me, between my now parted legs.

His mouth pulls away from mine, and he's panting. I kiss his neck, sucking and biting the skin gently. He moans, and I smile against his skin. I know I just marked him, he knows I marked him, and he likes it. Hmmm.

"I-I'm confused." He whispers, as I rub my boxer-clad erection against his.

"Don't be. Just feel, Jasper. Does it feel good?" My voice is gravely, and I thrust up against him twice to emphasis my point. He groans and arches his back down into me, baring his entire neck to me purposelessly. I go back to biting and sucking, leaving my mark upon his skin.

"Oh fuck, Edward. Feels so good." He moans, and I smirk. I hoped that he'd say that.

What happens next surprises me, though.

The domino effect. I kiss him, he thrusts harder, I feel him come as he chants my name. It's the hottest thing ever, and like a fourteen year old boy, I come in my boxers. Hard. Just from watching him.

He cracks an eye open, and I chuckle at him. His face is flushed, and he's covered in sweat. I lick a drop from his hair line, and he closes his eyes as we come down from the high.

Finally, I roll him off of me, wincing. My jizz is cool and that shit is nasty.

"I'm gonna go shower, dude." I tell him, getting up and heading for my bathroom. I look back just before I close the door, and find Jasper snoring on my bed. So cute.

I emerge sometime later, clean and dressed. Jasper is still out cold on my bed, snoring loudly. I smile at him, knowing that he's gonna be mighty uncomfortable when he wakes up. Talk about a mess in your pants...

I sit on our couch and turn on the football game, but my head isn't watching.

He's confused. And, I get that. I was there once. And he doesn't have a supportive family. I can't help but worry about just being an experiment.  
I've been attracted to Jasper since I can remember, but the fact that he was unattainable always kept us strictly platonic. Could we go back to just friends, after being this? Did I want us to?

No. That's something I knew for sure. I was not, ever, ever ever, going to be able to be his friend. I really just... Couldn't.  
But could I ever live without Jasper? No. Don't even wanna think about that one. I wouldn't survive without my best friend.

"Mornin'" His groggy voice calls, ripping me from my musing. I catch a glimpse of his back as he enters his room, presumably to shower. I smile to myself, and can't help but think:

Everything will work out. It has to. For my sanity.

The day is pretty uneventful, ending with us eating take out and watching The Karate Kid. We laugh until we cry, and then we go to bed. Together.

"Can I sleep with you?" He asks, timid as ever. I snort and pull him into my room. Like I'd ever deny him?

We snuggle down into my comfy warm bed. I'm asleep in minutes, his body close to mine, his heart-my lullaby.

**Uh... Go check out my blog. If I get 25 followers after this chapter, y'all get a outtake...A juicy one at that! PLUS I'LL UPDATE MORE OFTEN! So go, check it out! **_ THESW33TSPOT(DOT)BLOGSPOT(DOT)COM_

**SO, updates are gonna be short and sweet. Just so ya know. And I'm not even gonna promise when the next one will be, cause I don't know. I write when inspiration strikes! HAHA.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Jasper." I say softly, shaking his shoulder lightly.

"Jasper. Get up, we gotta get to school." I say a little louder, hoping he'll wake up. He does, rolling in his back so I can see his face, which is crumpled and has the impression of the sheet in it. I laugh.

"What time is it?" He asks, and I smile.  
"It's 7. Better get going if you don't wanna be late." I encourage. He smirks at me, before lazily stumbling from bed. I groan to myself as I watch him walk into the bathroom. That ass is...fiiiiine.

I get up and go into my own bathroom.

"COME ON!" Jasper yells from the front door, and I shove the power bar in my mouth and run. We race to the car and Jasper drives like a maniac to get us to class on time. We part ways after he parks his Prius, not saying a word to each other. I'm not gonna lie, it's a bit awkward. But the awkwardness gives me hope that I thrive on.

Awkwardness means he felt it too, that he felt something and that this isn't in my head.

Class is _slow._ Like slower than slow. All I can focus on is the situation with Jasper. I know that I am having..._feeling for him. _ I know that he might not be feeling the same way. Though our attraction is obvious, just how far this, with him, is gonna go is a mystery to me. I want him; heart mind & soul. I know all his secrets, and he mine.

Don't they say that love is friendship set on fire? I always believed in that. That before you can be..._lovers..._you had to be friends.

No need to think the 'L' word, not yet. But could I see myself loving Jasper? Yeah. I think that's the scary part. Not knowing, really, if we will love each other _equally._

My first boyfriend gave me that fear. Jack was the epitome of perfection: Tall, blue eyed and blond haired. He had the best smile; make you drop your man panties as soon as he flashed it.

And he wanted me.

Out of everybody in the club, he danced with me. Laughed with me. Drank with me. Took me home.

Fucked me. And eventually lived with me. We were in love, or so I thought. I came home from school one day to Jasper sitting on my couch. He jumped when he saw me, his eyes frightened. I sat next to him, and that's when I noticed it; the note on my coffee table. Looking around my little apartment, I notice small things- photos of me and Jack, gone. Jacks decorations, gone.

"Jasper? Where's Jack?" I ask. He points to the note. Silent.

I read it. I rip it up.

_He fucking left me. For another guy. He didn't love me. He was sorry._

We weren't equally in love.

I was so sure Jack was it for me. So sure he was the man I was going to marry after school, when we had jobs and eventually start a family. His sister volunteered her eggs so we could have kids. It was supposed to happen... He

left me.. But his thoughts weren't _equal_ to mine.

I cried that night. Sobbed, actually.

My heart had been ripped apart and taken advantage of.

And Jasper held me the whole time. Comforting me.

Rubbing my back and telling me that it would be okay, and not to worry about anything. Just to relax.

I should have known then that he meant so much more to me... But I didn't. And for the time being, this new thing we had...It was _magical._

"Edward, you home?" His voice calls. I shut my textbook and open the front door. His hands are full, and I help him with the boxes in them.

"It's from Esme; probably care package." He tell me, and together we carry the mail boxes to the kitchen counter.

I read the label and smile- one for me, and one for Jasper, from my Mom. I love her so much in that moment, I feel my eyes well up.

"Hey E-man, you okay?" Jasper asks softly, handing me a pair of red and blue scissors. I smile at him, softly.

"Yeah. I just haven't seen my Ma for a while, and this made me miss her even more. Open yours!" I demand. He laughs and plants an unsuspected kiss on my parted lips.  
"Sorry." He whispers. "Couldn't help it." Before sitting across from me and opening his own box.

I shake my head to clear it of it's hazy Jasper thoughts, and open the damn box already.

I shoulda known.

She sent me chocolate and caramel apples. I used to eat these everyday at her bakery when I was a kid. And looking over at Jasper, I see she's sent him peanut butter glazed celery. (It's better than it sounds-trust me). Only, when I reach into the bottom of the box, I find an envelope.

I open and read the letter first.

_Edward, my baby boy._

_I miss you so much! I hope you and Jasper are well. I know that his parents miss him deeply, even if they refuse to pull their heads outta their asses. He's still their son._

_Anyway. I know that you haven't been home in a while, and I hope you'd like to come soon. I've enclosed two airline tickets- for you & Jasper- that expire the 31st of this month. Please come visit your mother. I miss my baby boy._

_And your father is driving me nuts. Even when I'm at the bakery, he finds a way to come and pester me. I need you, my son. _

_Love always._

_You mother (:_

I tear up a bit, and pull out the tickets. Then I laugh, because honestly, my mom could have fucking _called _if she wanted me to come see her. I would have.

But I would have argued about who paid, and that's probably her reasoning.

"Hey Jas, you up for a weekend trip home?" I ask, and Jasper beams at me.

Why does this feel so good?  
But you know, they do say that all good things must end...

**A/n:  
Hey guys. So sorry it's been so long. I seriously have had A BUNCH OF SHIT IN RL GOING ON.**

**Renting Cabins for christmas (200 people- a LOT of cabins) Renting snowmobiles for more than 150 people is near impossible... And I almost broke my bank doing it.**

**Schools a bitch and I am just full of excuses. Anyway. next chapter is already being written, so not too long before that's out. This is relatively short, as are all my stories. So just know...I dont write novels lol**

**(:**


	4. Chapter 4

"Yo Jay!" I call from my perch on the breakfast bar, my textbooks strewn all around me. He saunters into the room a few minutes later.

"What's up?" He questions. I forget how to speak when I see him.

I forget what I was going to ask.

Hell, I forget my name, the date. My brain is fucking blank.

"Hellooo, Edward? What do you want?" He asks again, using the towel around his neck to dry his hair. It makes it stick out. I want to pull it while I bite his neck..._yummy..._

I watch the water drip down his chest, over a nipple, down his abs..One. At. A. Time. I think I start to drool, I'm not really sure. My fingers twitch. I want to touch him.

I wanna do a helluva lot more then touch him. I want him to touch me.

"Uh-uh... What?" Is my response. His eyes darken as they watch mine, tracing his body hungrily. He attempts a laugh, but it doesn't come out all the way. I meet his blue eyes, darkened as they are, and he growls. It's the hottest shit I've ever heard. My fucking toes curl.

He's on me in a second, his ass on the books I was just studying, his legs on either side of mine, the thin white towel barely staying on his hips.

He's attacking my mouth, biting, licking and sucking until I'm a panting moaning mess. I palm his dick through the towel, and he groans out my name.

"Fuck. Fuck! Edward, yeah." He moans out, it's cute that he makes no sense. It's sexy as fuck that he says my name, too. Yeah, he has _got _to say it like that again.

I pull his towel off, and come face to face with his dick. I never thought about it really, but it's kinda pretty. I lick the pre-cum from the slit, and moan at it's tangy flavor.

He moans, deep in his throat, throwing his head back. I look up at him, making eye contact, before I plunge my mouth down on his cock. I go until I feel his curls tickling my nose. I breath through my nose once, deeply.

His eyes roll back into his head, and I proceed to give him the best blow job of his life.

Because I can. I think. Because he wants me to... Yeah.

* * *

"I'm goin out with Emmett. He wants to hit the clubs; I know you have exams tomorrow, so I told him you couldn't come. I'll be back late, don't wait up!" Jasper yells, running out the door. After the amazing bj, he had to get ready to go because Emmett called him.

I guess that's why.

Stupid bear.

So here I am, stupidly enough, studying when all I can think of is Jasper. I feel my heart swell, just because I mentioned his name in my mind. I'm getting in too deep... But fuck, if I can't trust my best friend, who can I trust? So fuck it. I'll feel what I feel.

I keep this up, not focusing and I'll fail all my tests tomorrow. I sigh.

I get up and make myself some coffee- trying to keep myself busy. My mind is just in overdrive, though, and I can't stop thinking. About my mom, home, Jasper, Emmett.

Everything.

But that cup of coffee? It destroys my future. It keeps me awake when I wish I would have just slept.

* * *

I know it's late. I can tell that much; the highway is almost silent outside, a rarity we're only afforded when it's early in the morning, late in the evening.

I'm still reading my textbook, memorizing, when I hear the door open. I see the back of Jasper's head, blonde curls...

And fingers grabbing his hair.  
The nails are pink. Hot pink. And tiny. And I hear giggling, and can't tear my eyes away from this sight. It's wrenching at my gut, cutting me open and bleeding me dry.

I cry? I don't even know.

He slams the door, pushing the _thing_ against it. They proceed to make out. Like _seriously_ make out. Porn star status. Moaning and rolling hips and it's making me seriously fucking sick.

Heels. It's wearing heels. It wraps the heels around his waist. It moans. A girl.

He's fucking macking on a girl on our front door.

I know he's drunk by the way he stumbles to carry her to his bedroom. He doesn't even fucking notice I'm here.

We weren't official. Not exclusive. Not even fucking dating. Why does this bother me? He told me he wasn't gay.

I should have left it alone, never should have gave him this power. I have been out for as long as I can remember- why let him push me back?

But...

Did he think he was gay as I sucked him off? Me, a dude, sucked his fucking _cock_ and he fucking _liked it_ he fucking _came down my throat._

It makes me sick.

I leave. I grab my keys and I fucking zoom outta there.

Fuck my exams. Fuck my apartment. Fuck my phone.

I just leave.

I drive for hours. Until I see the sun come up over the horizon. Here in Cali- well, the sun is gorgeous pretty much always.

I have calmed down. All that's left is defeat.

He had told me that he wasn't gay. I shouda listened. Now I know for sure. He likes chicks...Enough to take them back to _our _place and fuck them without worrying about me. Fuck them _with the door open._

Sigh.

I know I have to go back, so I turn around and with a sense of dread, make my way home.

If I can even call it that anymore.

* * *

His Prius isn't there when I pull into our parking spot. I normally have to park on the street so he can have the covered spot...But fuck him.

I go upstairs slowly. So slowly. I drag each foot up each stair...

And I'm at our door. I scowl at it, imagining that...yuck...Pushed up against it. _Him _pushing _her _up like he _wanted her_ not twelve hours after I had given him head in our kitchen.

_Fuckeeeed uppppp. _

I immediately grab the alcohol out of our freezer, doing double shots before I even sit down.

By the time I'm in my room, it's hitting me, hard. And I pass the fuck out. Again. And it's good...Until I wake up.

I come to, and immediately my head is pounding. It's sounds like a fucking marching band in my head. I feel like I'm going to vomit, but I know I won't make it to the bathroom. I roll so my face is off the end of the bed and puke right...

into the kitchen garbage?

Huh?

Oh. Looking behind me after I'm done retching, I see Jasper asleep above the covers next to me. He's snoring, but he stirs when I move to get up.

"Lay back down." His gravely, sleep threaded voice demands. I snort at him before getting to my feet. Big mistake.

The world won't stop moving. I sit down.

"Jesus. You're worse off then I was. Just lay the fuck down and let me get you some water and Advil." He commands again, and I sit down reluctantly, curling up under my covers as he leaves the room.

I want to hate him, so, so, so bad. I want to scream, punch something. Anything. But I can't, because I'm fucking hungover.

"Here." He says. I roll over and without making eye contact, take the water and the pills. I swallow the entire glass and feel my stomach calm considerably.

Hummmmmf.

"Go away." I finally say, my voice sounding much more broken then I want it to.

He sits on my bed.

"Are you fucking deaf? I said go away. I don't wanna see your face." I say harshly. He doesn't budge. I give up and just go to sleep. I'll deal with the mess of my love life when I wake up and don't feel like a horses ass.

* * *

He still fucking here. In my bed. Snoring loud enough to wake me up. Asshole.

I'm livid. I want him to get the fuck out. So I make him.

"Douche bag!" I yell in his ear, shaking him. He jumps up, eyes wide and panicked.

"What the fuck, Edward? I was sleeping!" He says, irritated. If he doesn't leave...

"If you don't get the fuck out of my room, _now,_ I am going to fuck your face up beyond repair. Get. Out." I explain, low and very menacing, growling when I can.

He gets off the bed slowly, and backs out of the room like I'm some kind of wild animal.

I jump up and slam my door, locking it.

_Fuck. Him. _


	5. Chapter 5

**REVIEW PLEASE! ITS LOVE (:**

I sleep through the day, uninterrupted. But when I wake up, it's Wednesday and I know I have to call my professors and see if I can arrange to _not_ fail my classes. Stupid responsibility.

"Hi, this is Edward Cullen, I'm in your Monday psych class...Yes...yeah... My great aunt died...Funeral yesterday...I understand, thank you sir...Won't happen again...Thank you...See you then."

Shit. Apparently I have to be in his office in twenty minutes to take the exam, and it's only 70% of the original grade. But it'll do.  
I dress quickly, grab my phone and brace myself, opening my door.

_Thud._

Jasper lands on his back at my feet. Looks like he was leaning against my door. His eyes are squeezed shut, and I contemplate kicking the shit out of him, but I don't. I walk by like it's perfectly normal to see him there. My heart breaks a little, but I ignore it. Damn thing does nothing but hurt me anyway.

"Wait, Edward, _please talk to me._" His voice pleads, and cracks on the last word. I turn around to see him sitting on the ground with tears in his eyes. I almost can't stand to see him like that. I've only actually seen Jasper cry once, and that was when his Dad made him tell me we couldn't be friends anymore in High school.

I lose my resolve. Can you blame me? I walk over and hold my hand out to help him up, and point to my room.

"Go in there, and wait. I'll be back as soon as I can." I command, and he obeys, siting on the end of my bed with his head hanging down. I can't help but feel bad for him, even though he's the one who created all of this shit.

_DAMMIT. _

I leave quickly, speeding to get to the university in time.

I walk briskly to the psych office, and knock firmly.

The door opens to reveal Mr. Banner and his tiny office.

"Mr. Cullen, Come on in, I suppose." He gestures for me to enter, and closes the door.

"Okay then. There are pencils in the cup on my desk, and the test is there too. I'll be back in fifteen minutes. Good luck, son." He explains, and I take a seat at his desk and begin the test. It's easy questions, vocabulary words and stuff that was in the textbook I tried to memorize. When Mr. Banner returns, I'm finished, and he grades it there with me.

"Well, Edward. You did very well. If it hadn't been late, I would have given you a 50 out of 52. But it's late, so you understand that I have to take away thirty percent, correct? Still a good enough grade, but not the best of your abilities. Please try not miss anymore class, for the sake of your graduation. I have to go now, it was nice meeting with you though." He explained. I nodded and shook his hand, thanking him so much for the opportunity. I couldn't help but watch his ass as he left... That's one hot ass teacher. He must only be like...five years my senior...Damn.

And then I left. To deal with this Jasper situation...

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Entering the house is hard to do for some reason. The air is heavy and has a tense feeling that it's never had before. I hate it.

I make my way to my room, slowly, and carefully peak inside.

Jasper is laying on his back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I don't want to talk to him...But I know I have too.

So I walk slowly over to him, sitting on the bed. We're far enough that we're not touching... But I still feel too close to him.

So I scoot up the bed and lean against my headboard.

His back it to me as he sits up, and I think I can talk if we stay like this. If I don't have to see his face.

"Please...Stay like that. Just, stay there, okay?" I ask, and he nods, not moving.

"What happened, Edward?" He asks, his voice so low I have to strain to hear it. And when I register what he asked, I get pissed. Furious. But I beat it down and just... Breath for a minute before I answer.

"What did you do? You brought a fucking girl home not even twelve hours after I blew you! I mean, for fucks sake, you didn't even stop and think about whether or not I was home? That maybe I would see you sucking her face, hear you fucking her brains out? A fucking girl, Jasper. I thought that because you were my best friend I could trust you... I guess that's where I was wrong. God, I'm so fucking stupid!" I have to stop there because I sound hysterical, and I'm crying, and I feel like a fucking girl saying all of this out loud. His back is still to me, but I can tell he wants to turn around because of the way he turns halfway and stops, and turns back around.

So I start talking again.

"Jesus, Jasper. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know you fucking said you weren't gay. You told me, and I thought it wasn't a big deal, I could deal with it... But I have feelings for you now, and seeing you with someone.. A girl, no less.. Fucking killed me. I've never felt less wanted in my entire life then I did then. I felt sick. And I feel so stupid because we weren't even fucking official or anything and I'm acting like you broke up with me, but for fucks sake I am hurt!" I stop, and wipe my face. I feel ridiculous.

"I couldn't fuck her." He says. His voice sounds so low, so broken, so defeated that I don't dare say anything. I just listen. I wait for him to help me make sense of this.

"I took her to my room, and she was all over me. Like, any _straight _guy would have definitely fucked her senseless, that's for sure. But I couldn't. I kept thinking about you, and when I wasn't thinking of you I wasn't hard. She finally left after about at half hour... I couldn't fuck her because she wasn't _you." _He explains, and I sob. I fucking sob like a baby. And I feel my bed shift, Jasper is moving closer to me, and I want him. I want his arms around me, I want him to make this all better.

"Shh, Edward, Come here." He soothes, and pulls me into his arms. I sob into his neck until my eyes are dry.

"Shit, Jasper. I'm still mad at you. We need to decide right here and now... Am I your boyfriend, or not? I mean exclusively. Like only me and only you." I ask, pulling back to look in his eyes. I know that his answer is going to either make or break our friendship. We're never going to be the same as we once were. Lines have been crossed, and I don't think I can be sane and have any kind of friendship with him... Seeing him with that girl was just painful, and I can't even imagine what it's going to be like seeing him with someone else if he says he doesn't want to see me like that...

"Yes, Edward. I want to be yours. And you mine." He whispers, and I just fucking kiss him like I've never kissed him before. I'm talking attacking him, pinning him to my bed, and making out like we are teenagers.

I'm so happy, I don't let Jasper speak. I just continue to kiss him until I've calmed down a bit- well, not really calmed down, because kissing Jasper just does things that are definitly not calm to me. But enough to where I can place a few chaste like kisses to his lips and then stop, resting my head on his shoulder and just...being.

I feel content, and we fall asleep like that. I dream of blond gods (:

**REVIEW, please...They are love, and I needs some love... I have a twitter, (at)Sinfully0Sweet.**


	6. Chapter 6

I am infinitely happier when I wake up the next morning.

My head is on Jasper's lap, and he's sitting up on the couch, sleeping. I'm sure his neck hurts, because that looks damn painful.

I sit up and stretch, working out the kinks. Briefly I wonder what day it is, but then I remember it's winter break, and I don't have class again until the new year...

"Jasper. Jasper, babe wake up." I goad, trying to wake him up. He doesn't budge. I get an idea and smirk at myself.

I move so that there's one leg on either side of Jasper's thighs and I'm hovering over him. I softly plant a kiss over the scar on his eyebrow, the freckle on his cheek, finally stopping with a brush against his perfect lips. He smiles, and kisses me. One of his hands goes to my hip and pulls me onto him so I'm fully straddling him, and the other pulls me to him by my neck.

I close my eyes and give in... It's total bliss to know that I can just do this and he won't freak out, reject me. In fact, he does the exact opposite, more welcoming then I ever would have imagined.

"Morning." I mumble against his lips, to which he chuckles and darts his tongue into my mouth, effectively stopping me from talking.

It heats up quickly; before long he's got his hands down the back of my basketball shorts, kneading and groping my ass, pulling me down on his dick in even thrusts, panting in my ear and biting my neck.

It takes me a minute to comprehend just where this is headed...and I stop, because I'm the biggest cockblocker- even to myself.

"Hey, stop." I half moan/pant out, and he chuckles and shakes his head playfully.

"No." He says, emphasized by a thrust up. I throw my head back and moan, low in my throat and it sounds odd and guttural, but I could care less because this friction seriously feels like fucking heaven.

I kiss him, long and deep and hard, and trail kisses down his neck. I lift my hips up off of him, and thrust down the same time I bite down, sucking hard enough for him to feel it without breaking the skin.

"Fuck! Edward...Fuckfuckfuckfuck!" He shouts, throwing his head back and cumming.. I sit back enough to watch him, but still be able to move against his cock with my own. His neck is tense, his breaths are erratic, his eyes are rolled back into his head and his pelvis is moving without rhythm. It's breath taking, combined with his sweat slicked golden curls and tan skin... I moan, feeling my belly warm up and my balls tighten before I cum in my shorts like a twelve year old with his first girlfriend...Which is ridiculous because Jasper has sucked my cock and this is a step backward instead of forward... But I don't care, I just feel...

"Jesus." I pant out, standing up quickly. I offer a hand to Jasper, and help him up too.

"Oh, gross." He says, and I chuckle and shake my head. I head towards my bedroom, stripping off my shorts and putting them in the hamper before climbing into my shower and shutting the glass door...

I walk into the kitchen after my shower, and notice Jasper sitting at the counter holding the letter from my mom.  
He see's me and lifts them.

"It's the 22nd and these are only good until the 31st..." He trails off. I remember the plane tickets then. Guilt overwhelms me.

"Oh shit...Do you wanna go? Home, I mean.." I ask unsure. The tickets were for me and Jasper... But I'm not quite sure where we stand when it comes to my parents.

He smirks then, and his eyes light up.

"Don't you want your parents to meet your boyfriend?" He teases, standing up and walking behind me.

"I kinda wanna meet them..." He wraps his arms around me and plants a kiss on my neck.. "As your boyfriend." And he bites down a little.

"Okay." I say, and I don't even think about it before it's out of my mouth. His lips are working fucking miracles on my neck, and I love it...

"Plus, if we leave, say...Tomorrow, we'll be home for Christmas!" he says excitedly. I groan and move away.

"You know how much I hate Christmas!" I remind him, and he just sighs.

"I never understood why you hate it so bad... It's a wonderful holiday." He says, and my blood boils.

"Wonderful holiday? No! It's the most selfish holiday, ever. It's full of competition. Who gets the best presents, who gives the best presents, who can afford the most presents. It's disgusting. It's a ritual that I never want to endure agaiiiiiin!" I whine unattractively. He chuckles and rests his hands on my hips. I pull away and move into the kitchen.

**Short, and sweet. Sorry for the wait. Unfortunately finals are soon, so...No chapter for a while. Till next time (:**


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